just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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