You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
