A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
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While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
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I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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