They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i love accidental penises.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
