Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
