so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
