Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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