His pubic hair was longer than his dick
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
