Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
mondays should just be called national damage control day
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My feet surprised me
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
