So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
