I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
