i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
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the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
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