Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
