elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize