we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
