Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize