Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
