I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
