Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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