Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
