great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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