i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
