Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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