Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
