She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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