Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
