he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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