so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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