I looked at my own cervix.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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