I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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