On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
