Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
soo... how was my night?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
