I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
