Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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