this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
