Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
