I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
