Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Lo siento on account of my penis...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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