Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Randomize
