When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
