If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I don't think brook has ever known best
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
