My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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