Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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