I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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