yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
