One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
