Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
