I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
