ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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