i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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