Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize