so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
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it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
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i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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