Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
