I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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