a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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