With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
