I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
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we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
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You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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