I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
