I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I have aggressive nipples.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
