I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
