And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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