You just made me feel so damn special
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
