i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
