He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Text me some of your sweat
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
