Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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