hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
