That's intense
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
