the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
