I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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