fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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