ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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